The Comeback Kid: A Story of Resilience

Being a parent is a wonderful rollercoaster journey full of challenges and joy, laughter and frustration, anxiety and pride - so much pride. It feels both never-ending and all too short, as the weeks, months and years slip by. Like most parents, I had no idea what I was getting into when I started this journey- and thank god for that! An epic undertaking with so many variables and working pieces and no instruction manual.

Even now, with a grown child, the variables and the challenges continue. Some are his and some are mine. Like navigating a new career and a first apartment - his - and balancing out the right amount of mothering and guidance and acclimating to an empty nest - mine - .

But for me, the most challenging experience as a parent was watching my son struggle back from an injury and surgery. It was also the most humbling.

I started running kind of late in life, at first to prove I could (read more about my story in the previous post: How It All Began) and then because I had a love/hate relationship with it. I ran 5K's socially and started training for obstacle races, mini triathlons and half marathons. All the while, my preteen son, Thomas, was watching and rooting me on from the sidelines. Soon my husband and son started to join me on social runs and 5K's. It was so much fun to be together, doing something active and challenging and watching my son try something new.

Running for a cause as a family

When he started 7th grade, he transitioned to the much larger, regional school in the adjacent town. Coming from a very small school with only one class per grade level, it was a big adjustment with lots of new opportunities. He decided that first fall semester to try cross country running.

Like his mother, he had a love/hate relationship with running. He loved the social aspect of being on a team and hanging out with the "cool" older kids. He loved being outside and in the woods. He didn't love the running. But he stuck it out.

His father and I would go to all of the "home" meets and we would cheer and clap. Then we'd have to talk him out of quitting the team on the car ride home. Unlike his mother, Thomas is very competitive. He would be disappointed that he wasn't as fast as some of other team members. He'd get down on himself and want to quit. We'd have to remind him that he was one of the youngest on the team. Unlike most of the school sports, there wasn't a middle school team and the cross country team was made up of 7th through 12th grade students.

As the season went on he got stronger and faster and better. He was more confident and, I think, he was beginning to actually enjoy running.

He went on to join the indoor and spring track teams.

By the end of 7th grade he'd made huge improvements in his 5K time - I suppose it didn't hurt that he grew 4 inches that year....those long legs could really eat up the trail.

When 8th grade began there was no doubt that he was going to continue running cross country. After several 5K's over the summer and his new, longer legs he was beating me in races...and rubbing it in every chance he got!

His 5K times steadily got better and pretty soon he was running middle of the pack.

Near the end of the fall season, he started to complain of some knee weakness, kind of a buckling. And he had a slight limp. The coach showed him some stretches and he rested.

As he headed in to the winter season and indoor track, the nagging discomfort and slight limp persisted. He said he had some pain on the outside of his leg. Thomas had never had any injuries or sicknesses. He'd never broken a bone, had stitches or even a cavity filled. And when he did have something, like a sliver, it was all drama and the worst pain ever. It was hard to know if this was really painful or not.

We took him to a massage therapist. Tight muscles. We made him do his stretches.

We had his feet evaluated. Low arches. We got him prescription inserts and a myofascial roller.

We took him to a chiropractor. Maybe a shallow hip socket. Tight muscles.

All this time, he ignored the discomfort, not wanting to stop competing now that he was finally making progress.

The discomfort persisted and the limp increased. At this point we were wondering if the limp had become a habit.

I was starting to worry that something might be really wrong. I wanted him to go to the doctor, but he resisted.

Toward the end of indoor track it was really clear that something wasn't right.

One day he came home from school and said his leg was really hurting. He had been horseplaying with a bunch of boys, fell on his side and was in a lot of pain. After some convincing, I made him a doctor's appointment.

In early April he saw the nurse practitioner in his doctor's office and she concluded that he had IT Band Syndrome and Piriformis Syndrome. She gave him a handout of stretches to do and ordered physical therapy. It was going to be a few days before he could get into his first PT appointment, but I felt a bit relieved. At least we had some answers.

Thomas was pretty disappointed. The spring track season had just started and he'd have to sit out, at least temporarily. We also had signed up to run the annual Big Cheese Road Race representing a local restaurant and pub and he would most likely have to miss that too.

The Wednesday after his doctor's appointment Thomas called me at work in tears. He had tripped over the dog when he got home from school and was in terrible pain. He said he could hardly get off of the floor. I was panicked. I immediately left work and rushed home.

I called the doctor's office on my way home to see if they could see him. I was put through to the nurse practitioner and she told me that she would call the local hospital and would order an x-ray, so we could avoid the emergency room wait.

I was expecting to get some results from the doctor's office by Wednesday evening or Thursday morning, but never heard anything. Thomas' first PT appointment was scheduled for Friday afternoon. I gave him some ibuprofen and told him that there must not be anything on the x-ray and that he should probably try to go to school until his PT appointment.

By the time I picked him up from school for his PT appointment he could barely walk to the car. My heart sank. What could be wrong with my child that wouldn't show up on an x-ray? He was most definitely not dramatizing this agonizing pain.

When we arrived at PT, Thomas told me that he couldn't get out of the car. I cannot tell you how terrible it is to watch your child be in so much pain. I was sick with it, physically nauseous. I was at a complete loss for what to do. Should I take him to the emergency room? I called my husband, Kevin, in tears. He suggested that since we were at PT, I should go in and see what they thought.

The male physical therapist grabbed some crutches and came out to talk to Thomas. He was a super nice guy with a grey ponytail and a deep voice. He asked Thomas some questions and they both agreed to give the crutches a try. The therapist looked at me and said, "Ok, mom, we'll be about an hour" and inside they went.

Shaken, I walked across the street to grab a coffee and quickly made my way back to the office and waiting room. No sooner had I sat down and the therapist came out and said, gravely, "This isn't soft tissue we're dealing with here. This is something structural."

I explained that we had had an x-ray on Wednesday evening and didn't get any results so we thought nothing had shown up.

After a call to Thomas' primary care, he came back and said that Thomas' doctor needed me to immediately take him to UMass Worcester emergency room and that he needed surgery. The doctor would call me on the way.

I was dumbstruck. What was goin on?! How did we go from PT to emergency surgery?!

Thomas was an absolute mess. Completely terrified of having surgery, confused, and in pain.

Kevin met us and off we hurried to the hospital.

By the time we made it to UMass, we had learned that the nurse practitioner had left for vacation and Thomas' x-ray results were sitting in her email, unopened. When the doctor reviewed the results it was clear that Thomas had a SCFE (slipped capitol femoral epiphysis)

A SCFE is a disease of the growth plate in the hip joint which causes it to slowly widen over time. This causes "play" or floating of the ball inside the socket....i.e.: knee buckling, leg pain etc. This is very difficult to diagnose because it is a slow progression and can present as many other ailments. The first fall Thomas had knocked the femur off center. The second fall dislocated his hip.

So....I made my son walk on a dislocated hip for two whole days!

I was a mess.

I couldn't believe that the x-ray technician never told anyone, or that the nurse practitioner didn't check her email-knowing that she had ordered an x-ray for him, or that no one monitors those results, or that we had missed this long before he fell.

We had ALL failed him and now he was going to have emergency surgery.

Once at the emergency room, Thomas was in so much pain. They had to take additional x-rays which was excruciating. They finally gave him some pain meds and a room....surgery was scheduled for 6am the next morning.

I sat in the chair next to him all night, holding his hand and silently crying every time he would jerk himself awake and scream in pain if he moved in his sleep. It was one of the longest night's of my life. Going over all of the things we had done wrong to cause him so much pain.

As a first time parent, you're at the mercy of those whom you think know better than you. I trusted the hospital x-ray technician, and I trusted the nurse practitioner. The one person whom I doubted was my son - the person living in the body that was in pain.

In the morning, in the pre-op room, the surgeon came in and very forcefully demanded to know why if Thomas had fallen on Wednesday did we wait until Friday afternoon to take him to the ER. We explained everything that had happened up to that point. The surgeon softened. He then gently explained that because so much time had passed between the fall and the surgery, that Thomas had a 60% chance of having necrosis of the femoral head. Meaning a dead bone. Which would mean a full hip replacement - at 14 years old.

He also explained that when Thomas fell, it pushed the femur head back in the socket and turned out about 45 degrees. Because of the SCFE, they couldn't put the femur back in it's normal position so they would have to pin it where it lay. Meaning, best case scenario, Thomas' right foot and leg would be permanently out turned. After surgery, Thomas would be completely non weight bearing for 8 weeks. Only after that would we know for sure if there were any pinched nerves, which could cause constant pain.

Kevin and I were devastated. We held our breath and waited for our son to come out of surgery.

After what felt like an eternity, the surgeon appeared.

Good news, no necrosis of the bone.

Now we wait...

The next 6 months were dark times.

Thomas was so strong, brave and apparently has an incredible tolerance for pain. He passed preliminary PT and was out of the hospital the next morning. He never took a single oxycodone (of the 50!!) he was prescribed. But he fell into a deep depression which manifested as anger on a regular basis. Not only was he in the full blown emotional rollercoaster of puberty, he had this life altering, possibly debilitating injury.

He gained weight.

He was stir crazy.

He was miserable.

Somehow we all made it through the 8 weeks of non weight bearing with crutches, shouting, crying, arguments, sleeping downstairs on the couch, trying to run away down the driveway in crutches (and deciding there was nowhere he could go) hell on earth.

More good news when he started walking, no pinched nerves.

Before we knew it summer was over and he was back to school as a freshman.

I was startled, but supportive, when he told me he was going to run cross country.

Are you sure?

Do you think you're up for it?

Do you think you can?

He was sure he wanted to be back on the team, doing something that felt "normal".

If you've never experienced watching your child stubbornly muscle their way back from an injury, you're so lucky. It has never ceased to amaze me that the things about parenthood that we expect to be the most challenging sometimes aren't? Like puberty and the teen years... Sometimes, it's those things you least expect or never even considered that test you, like if you're child has to deal with a bully or their first heartbreak. This was one of those things for me.

Every meet my husband I would be there, waiting for Thomas at the finish line.

Every meet he would cross the finish line dead last, MINUTES after everyone else. The previous year he was running a 5K in the mid to upper 20s, now he was finishing closer to mid to upper 30's.

Every meet his teammates would clap and cheer when he crossed the finish line.

Every meet he would collapse into my arms sobbing at the finish line.

Every meet he would whisper to me, "I hate the pity clap".

Every meet he would line up at the starting line and do it all again.

Even now I am in complete awe of Thomas' tenacity. He had lost muscle, his whole leg was in a totally different position, he was deconditioned, he was in pain and he was humiliated. But he just kept coming back.

Over time the finish line minutes began to diminish. He was getting stronger and more accustomed to his new body mechanics. Before long, the humiliation turned into determination. He was getting better and faster each meet. The pity clap slowly began to be replaced by genuine cheers as he started closing the gap.

Thomas continued to run throughout his entire high school career. His senior year he was one of the top runners in indoor and outdoor track.

Thomas is second from the left

As a young man, he plays basketball, almost daily, and is hard to keep up with on the court.

Recently, while in the Corrections Officers' Academy he beat the entire squad in the one mile run and was awarded Top Male in Physical Fitness during graduation.

Top Male Physical Fitness Award- I taught him everything he knows lol

When I asked Thomas if it would be ok if I wrote about this experience I told him that I thought it was an inspirational story.

He responded that it's "not that inspirational" . Humble to a fault.

Thomas, you are MY inspiration.

A parent is truly blessed when they have a child that can teach and inspire them.

I am truly blessed.